Every 2 years there’s an Olympics, Summer or Winter but every time it’s the same events over and over. It’s time to change that.
Yeah fencing and skiing are cool but how bout an underwater breathing competition? Now that is a test to who’s the superior athlete. We all love watching Shaun White tear it up every winter flipping his way to first place, but wouldn’t you like to see Joey Chestnut eat his weight in gold -no pun intended- for his country and not for 10 grand and a lifetime supply of Nathan’s hotdogs?
Just this summer, the International Olympic Committee added skateboarding to future summer olympics, acknowledging that the current olympics need new events. Skateboarding is no longer an activity for angsty teens to express their anger, it’s now an actual sport. Some could say it finally got the ‘blue check’ it’s been needing for approval. Just kidding, obviously I recognize Tony Hawk’s greatness… I had Pro skater 1 & 2 on the Gameboy.
We all love the biathlon… I mean who doesn’t love hours of watching the Swiss and Swedes cross country ski and then proceed to shoot at targets on repeat. I propose a new and better sport. Cornhole. Your typical backyard game turned pro. I mean have you seen the Johnsonville Brats Cornhole Championship? It only happens once a year on ESPN & it is glorious.
Just imagine watching your national team comprised of the best dodgeball athletes in the U.S. brawl it out on the hardwood against Russia and China. No need to watch the average joes on ESPN 8 ‘the Ocho’ when you can watch official NBC coverage on international dodgeball and oh yeah, it’s for a gold medal. Grown men and women throwing balls at each other for the purpose of competition is all we need to pitch why dodgeball is a true Olympic sport.
Last and actually least, we’re talking jenga. Speed Jenga. Jenga is one of the most competitive events out there. Pulling blocks with the threat of a whole structure falling down, NOW that’s full of anxiety. But let’s take it to the next level. You have 5 seconds to choose a block or two at random are pulled, threatening your chances of making it to the next round. Seriously, can you now see yourself in stars in stripes playing for gold? It takes much more than physical strength, Speed Jenga could be one of the most emotionally stressful Olympic events of all time. But for now, it remains just a suggestion.